HAND INK?

When I saw it I instantly wanted it, however, there were things that changed my opinion back and forth since. Talking about getting a tattoo on my hand. Thanks to Jared Leto's rendition of The Joker, I would now have something that would fit my personality quite well.

I was that "happy kid" who changed after puberty hit and adulthood didn't change anything. So, for almost 25 years it has been almost endless, "Smile, Ryan!". It hasn't always been because I am angry or sad, although depression has brought both out at times. It is simply I don't always feel like it, and suffer from RAHF (Resting Asshole Face) which is the male equivalent of the ladies and the Resting Bitch Face.
Regardless, it does bug me from time to time. So, instead of constantly telling them to "F#ck off!" I am going to get the same ink Jared Leto's Joker has on his hand. And I will use it the same way that he did in "Suicide Squad". Hide how I am really feeling by covering my mouth as to not talk and to give them that smile that they are desperately seeking.

The only thing that was holding me back was "employment". Which I understand, "No Visible Tatts" as to thwart those with offensive ink to not even try and complain. However, this isn't offensive at all unless the person is an uber attention whore who turns everything into how they feel. And the fact that it is my body, and I wouldn't want to work for someone who thinks that they can control that. I am neither a professional athlete, actor, or anything. I am a professional screw-up of anything haha

So, now it is a matter of going into Black Spade Studios (in Oshawa, ON), and getting the info that I need. Price is tops, given the time of year (Santa mode come November 1st). But, also to see about "pain". Still a noob and only have 2 pieces thus far. One was close to a painful area and I almost fell asleep during my session, but again, close to. If I can handle it, then of course it will be about getting the size and placement just right. Bought a fake tattoo set for Halloween, and of course it was a bit small and I got the placement totally wrong, but I got to see if I would even like a tattoo on my hand. Which is important as it is an area I would see a large chunk of my remaining life.


For more nerdy stuff! Head on over to Non-Geeky Nerd and check things out! Until next time....stay nerdy!

35 THUS FAR

Natural anxiety from simply being older. That was the easy part of my 35th year so far. As my birthday came to an end, the flu hit, and went on a week long battle with the "Rhino Flu". Made me weak both mentally and physically, and triggered even more anxiety accompanied with some panic attacks. Life changing, personal moments came about. My mother and I have never mixed, and was only solidified upon one of her visits. And then finally, my baby girl turned 4 on Halloween. My way better half and I tried to give her a nice day and go trick or treating while battling stomach issues. We made it through it though.

It is now November 1st. A lot of things are better now. A lot of room for improvement, but better than it was. I still worry (and panic) that things won't improve, most notably myself, and that I will lose everything (and everyone) that I truly love. The list is super short, but even a single name leaving would be paralyzing. But, despite all of that there is this new feeling of hope. I actually see a future now. It isn't full of money and all those things, but more of a realization that at the end of the day if I have my little family then I have not only more than most, but I have literally everything I want and need. Something that I should have always realized, but I at least now feel that I do deserve them. And that has truly helped me in ways that I can't explain.
Now it is on me to show that I am as good as I say. I make mistakes along the way, but the self destructiveness that stems from them are finished. Everyone makes mistakes, it is how things are handled after that matter. I pride myself in that I continually learn, which is truly the sign of intelligence at the end of the day. I pride myself in just how much I love my children and their mother. I don't always show it, but there is nothing that would stop me from caring and loving them.

No real point to any of this. Mainly just for myself to unload a little. Another thing I plan to work on, no more bottling things up. If it bugs me, I am a) entitled to my own feelings and thoughts, and b) history has shown that is doesn't work out well when I am forced to be fake. Like I said no real point. Ryan's back, and nobody even knows just how long he's been gone.